CtD ch26
Uhhhh i’m not sure I can talk about this in a coherent fashion but wth I’ll give it a shot. Everything, EVERY SINGLE THING from the second Cassie and Pritkin end up in that security booth is pure pain. Like when he made the decision to switch back, did he know his body wouldn’t have the energy to heal the wound? Probably. He just looks at the injury for a second and decides in that split second to die for Cassie. I mean, damn, Pritkin’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but his commitment to Cassie is INSANE. And then, then, he’s dying and he’s still trying to keep her safe?? He knows that if he admits that he can’t heal she won’t leave him, and he can’t look at her and I think it’s partly guilt, because she’s so upset, he didn’t think she’d be so upset, and partly that it hurts way more than he was expecting? Like not the physical pain, but the separation from her, he’s faced with saying goodbye to her and I don’t think he can do it. And don’t even get me started on Cassie’s reaction, the panic, the pleading, the disbelief: “I stared at him, unable to believe this was happening. That he could just disappear, along with everything rich and strange he’d brought into my life. Vanished, like magic.” Listen, I’m not crying, you’re crying. I’m not saying Cassie was in love with Pritkin at that point, because I don’t think she 100% was. But he’s already more than just a friend to her.
The pain continues. I’m honestly surprised Pritkin doesn’t get slapped more often, he’s dying and he tries to use it as a freaking ‘teachable moment,’ like what is wrong with you??? Okay, I know what’s wrong with him, he’s horrendously bad at comforting people because he’s spent the last hundred years actively repressing his own feelings and has such low self-worth that I don’t think he actually realises how badly his death would affect her. “One person is not so important in the scheme of things.” GOOD FUCKING BYE TO MY HEART. And then he’s so gentle with her? He cups her face and wipes away her tears and runs his fingers through her hair??? I love how he seems to like rediscover this forgotten capacity for tenderness with her, I love how when she kisses him to get him to feed, he just kisses her back, he kisses her goodbye, you can’t tell me that he didn’t feel something like love for the first time in decades at that moment. That he didn’t have a bittersweet revelation that he repressed as hard as he could after but never quite managed it. And Cassie’s “I can’t lose you,” that’s a ‘more than friends’ line if ever there was one. UGH what did I do to deserve being battered with these FEELINGS.
The actual sexy stuff is somehow WORSE bcs you’ve got all this reigned-in need and passion on Pritkin’s side and Cassie’s trying so hard to get him to let loose. Her reaction when he says please?? There’s a little streak of dom in our girl. And don’t even get me started on Pritkin calling her ‘Miss Palmer’ during sex (WHY IS THAT SO HOT?? – that’s pretty much my motto for this whole book) and just, the slow, deliberate way he teases her – ugggggh PLEASE. Anyway, this chapter ruined my life, I’m emigrating to the sun.
OK, So I have been a little silent for a while but figured I’d do my somewhat usual call and response to a post. I’m planning to do another reread soon, and I am sure I will have way more to say, but as we know these post and responses keep me a little on track…
There’s a great deal of angst and so much has changed between Cassie and Pritkin, but I view this a little differently. I think that both Cassie and Pritkin slip under each others defenses. Cassie is growing up and collecting friends, lovers and family left and right. Pritkin is trying to protect an unprotectable Pythia from everyone and anyone. Between body swaps and time jumps, its all too damn much. Pritkin is being Pritkin and for him its better to die in service to Cassie than to take a chance with emotions and feelings. Far easier to die than to live.
As for how he restrains himself and that Cassie isn’t letting him go without a fight, well they are both playing to their strengths. Would Cassie’s life be easier if one war mage was interchangeable with another-sure. But Cassie has never taken the easy road. Of course the craziness has gone to another level, but really even the body swap was going above the previous level of craziness!
All right so there’s my opinion, take it leave it argue about it -thats the point of the reread right!