Tag: consent

Laurell K Hamilton post

In preparation for the release of Sucker Punch in August, I recently completed a reread of the entire Anita Blake series.  Every time I do this, I find myself wondering about different  questions and I pepper my friends who are also fans with questions AND go on rants about primarily Richard but some of the others as well.  There  are books i seem to fly through and others where I slog through.  Each time those books change, so I am not going to say which ones read slow or fast.  
So, here for your consumption is a list of things  (passages) that spoke to me this read through  not necessarily in order so you will have to search to find them:
The practicalities of life do not cease needing to be done just because other things are going wrong.
Love’s hard to come by, Edward; you should never throw it away just because it’s a bad idea.
Either choice was a bad one. Multiple choice should have at least one right answer, but some people only come with wrong answers. Some people are like rigged tests where you can only fail.
It can always get worse.
The love of a lover, of friends, and of partners, of people that I never wanted to lose, and damn day. It was about home. Home wasn’t a place, or a building, or a tropical night full of flowers and rain. Love made home not out of boards and walls and furniture, but of hands to hold, and smiles to share, and the warmth of that body cuddled around you in the dark.
comforting hands, our bodies that had made us all home, and the craziness of having too many people, too much going on, but what would we give up, who would we give up, and the answer, in the end, was not a single thing.
Love is never about the object of our love, but always says more about us than them.
no one knows you as honestly, warts and all, as the people who love you, truly love you.’
‘True love means you love the real person, not an ideal that you have in your head and superimpose over them.
I’d grown to understand that love, real love, is full of choices that make no sense, that should go horribly wrong, but you make the choice anyway. Why? Because love is different. 
I opened my mouth, closed it, and then shook my head. There was as sure where “here” was anymore.
Because I had had a nasty shock and was all emotionally vulnerable; that usually made me want to either run for the hills or get angry and stay angry.
You can experience trauma without getting stuck as the victim forever. You can choose to work the shit and rebuild yourself, or you can sit in the ruins and mourn forever. 
Sometimes there isn’t enough therapy in the world to fix a person, and that’s when you have to find another cure.
There are so few true villains, just other screwed-up people who pass the damage on.
The elderly will also begin to decline faster if they don’t have anyone to touch them. Patting someone’s hand, or shoulder, a hug, all of it is necessary to be happy and healthy for most people. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with sex; in fact, most of the touch that keeps us all going is as innocent as a newborn lamb frolicking on the spring grass,
the thought of how close I must have come to losing the man in my arms scared me more than anything else. Sex was not a fate worse than death, because with life there was always hope. Hope that the big breakup wasn’t permanent. Hope that the issues that drove you apart might bring you back together again. Hope that you’d see their smile again, even if they were with someone else. Only death was final, and without hope; short of that, there were options.
There’s a lot of ways to be smart; the kind that gets you straight A’s in school is only one way.
It was like someone who is so used to being made fun of that they say the mean things first, try to make it their joke, so the bullies don’t get a chance to cut them up. It works, in a way, but it means the person saying the words internalizes the message more, because they’re the ones saying stupid, clumsy, fat, ugly —whatever the bullies might say.
being in love makes people beautiful, and falling out of love makes you see the truth. It may set you free, but it’s going to fuck you up before it does.
It was like someone who is so used to being made fun of that they say the mean things first, try to make it their joke, so the bullies don’t get a chance to cut them up. It works, in a way, but it means the person saying the words internalizes the message more, because they’re the ones saying stupid, clumsy, fat, ugly —whatever the bullies might say.
being in love makes people beautiful, and falling out of love makes you see the truth. It may set you free, but it’s going to fuck you up before it does.
love could be a cup that you both filled up with love, kindness, joy, sex, all the things that made you a couple, but if you could fill the cup up, you could also drain it dry with cruelty, sorrow, pain, jealousy, and anger.
“Sorry, Damian, but it doesn’t make sense to me when I do it either. If something makes you happy you should just enjoy it and embrace it, but I’ve got a whole list of things that make me happy and I fought like hell not to enjoy them, not to want them, not to do them, because they didn’t match who I thought I was, or who I thought I should be.”
Just tell me what she’s done, Anita. That should be awful enough to help us appreciate whatever happiness we can find.
we must trust each other, for we are built link by link into a chain that is stronger together than as a pile of individual links.
Your first lover gets a piece of your heart until you have enough therapy to take it back.
But one thing I’d learned in therapy was that just because a feeling made no sense didn’t make you stop feeling it.
“As much as I’d prefer the world to be black and white, yes or no, right or wrong, Nicky’s right: Sometimes you can be both,”
Fear will bind you closer than love, or hate, and it works a hell of a lot quicker. 
So many traumatic events and your time sense screws up. Too much happening in too short a space of time.
The trick would be to decide whom to be grumpy at, and what to do about it.
I had been running on fear, adrenaline, and stubbornness for hours. In the quiet hush of the car I could feel my body. It was not happy.
The hour after dawn is the most private of all.
You’d think I’d get used to not knowing what the hell is going on, but I never do. It just makes me grumpy, and a little scared.
If you keep the gun in your purse, you get killed, because no woman can find anything in her purse in under twelve minutes. It is a rule.
Most people choose to think of themselves as white hats, good guys. A few people wear black hats and enjoy it. Grey was Bert’s color. Sometimes I think if you cut him, he’d bleed green, fresh-minted money.
There was something a little frightening about a man who knew he was not a nice person and didn’t give a damn. It went against everything America holds dear. We are taught above all else to be nice, to be liked, to be popular. A person who has set aside all that is a maverick and a potentially dangerous human being.
It takes real breeding to make a person feel like shit with one word.
When in doubt, change your vocabulary.
There was something a little frightening about a man who knew he was not a nice person and didn’t give a damn. It went against everything America holds dear. We are taught above all else to be nice, to be liked, to be popular. A person who has set aside all that is a maverick and a potentially dangerous human being.
there are days when I think you can’t save anyone.
When in doubt, take a deep breath and keep moving.
Murphy’s law is the only true dependable in my life most of the time.
I was the closest thing Edward had to a real friend. A person who knows who and what you are and likes you anyway. I did like him, despite or because of what he was.
He had bet his life on my integrity, and that pissed me off. I hate to be used. My virtue had become its own punishment.
Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
We had saved each other’s lives; it is a bond that sticks with you.
Most hatred is based on fear, one way or another. Yeah. I wrapped myself in anger, with a dash of hate, and at the bottom of it all was an icy center of pure terror.
A zillion brownie points for me.
Women may get to wear lots of pretty colors, but men get the comfortable shoes.
You never really filled in the hole. It was like a piece of you gone goes away. You deal with it. You go on, but it’s there.
Only inhibitors in the brain prevent us all from destroying ourselves.
No one had ever attacked me at home before, not like this. It should have been against the rules. You should be safe in your own bed.
She had broken a rule. One I hadn’t even known I had. Thou shalt not attack the good guy in his, or her, own home.
Coffee was my comfort drink.
But I’ve been stared at by experts, so I was careful not to flinch.
Sarcasm is one of my natural talents.
Freud is so often at work in our lives.
Hope is a lying bitch.
It felt wet, like it had soaked through to the skin, but it hadn’t. It was a sensory illusion.
People are seldom just one thing.
There are fires that last for all eternity. Fires that make napalm look like a temporary inconvenience.
I notice all sorts of things that go unnoticed during most of life.
I could taste my calm, orderly pulse in my mouth like a piece of candy.
For tension release laughter beats the hell out of tears.
I had the urge to giggle, but that was the pain medication. I never giggle on my own.
some drugs don’t give a shit if you need your body. You belong to the drug until it wears off, period.
staying alive was the goal. Everything else was gravy.
Best friends, a concept that most women never outgrow.
If I ever managed to get married and my husband cheated on me, it wouldn’t be me to go missing.
If you’re not ashamed, you don’t need to look away.
hysteria gets you nowhere but dead.
Worry about the things you can control; the rest will either work themselves out, or they’ll kill you. Either way, no more worries.
you can be embarrassed or you can be aggressive.
Truth, justice, and the American way certainly didn’t work within the legal system. Money, power, and luck were what worked.
Anita. No matter what you do or how bad you feel about it, life just goes on. Life doesn’t give a fuck that you’re sorry or upset or deranged or tormented. Life just goes on, and you gotta go on with it, or sit in the middle of the road and feel sorry for yourself.
I never doubted God. I doubted me. But maybe God was a more generous God than I allowed him to be.
I felt that measure of calm that I sometimes got when I prayed. It doesn’t mean you’ll get what you asked for, but it does mean that someone is listening.
 If you can’t impress yourself, then no one else really matters. 
Why is it when you have a sure thing to bet on, there’s never anyone around to take your money?
it used to bother me that I could be in such confusion, such pain, and the world just didn’t give a shit. The world, the creation as a whole, is designed to move forward, to keep on keeping on without any one individual person. It feels damned impersonal, and it is. But, then, if the world stopped rotating just because one of us was having a bad day, we’d all be floating out in space.
I’d learned long ago that if you’re feeling unloved by the man in your life, the best revenge is to look good
“The heart wants what the heart wants, Dolph. You don’t plan on making your life complicated, it just happens, and you don’t do it on purpose, and you don’t do it to hurt the people who love you. It just turns out that way sometimes.”
I thought of several smart alec remarks, but you should humor crazy people when you’re at their mercy; it’s a rule.
You can’t shovel other people’s shit for them, not unless they’re willing to pick up a shovel and help.
There’s only so much emotional super glue in a person’s soul, after that everything just stays broken.
It was a little like being in shock. Shock is nature’s insulation, the thing that shuts you down so you can heal, or sometimes so you can die without hurting, or being afraid.
I guess you can’t undo all your upbringing, no matter how hard you try.
sometimes guilt or habit makes you listen to those other voices—the ones that beat you down. Sometimes you just can’t shake them. 
“You ate the living darkness, Anita. It has given your own necromancy a power jump of near-legendary proportions. You raised every cemetery and lone body in and around the city of Boulder, Colorado last year, while you chased down the spirit of the Lover of Death, one of the last members of the now-disbanded vampire council who did not bend knee to Jean-Claude’s rebellion.” “You say rebellion. I say killing crazy motherfuckers to save the world from their plans to spread vampirism and contagious zombie plague across the planet.” “It would have been an apocalypse for the human race.” “But not the apocalypse.” “You mean the biblical one?” he asked.  “Yeah, as in the apocalypse.” “You say that as if there is only one.” “There is only one.” “You have prevented two on your own. We have prevented more events that would have destroyed the planet, or at least the human population. Some of us lived through the last great extinction and the coming of the great winter.” “You mean the Ice Age, as in the real Ice Age.” He nodded. I took in a deep breath, let it out slow, and said, “Okay, some of you guys are old as fuck. Make your point.” “My point, Anita, is that apocalypse as in the great devastation or second coming of some religious significance has happened before and will likely happen again.” “I’m not sure we’re defining it the same way,” I said. “Perhaps not, but there really does need to be a plural for apocalypse .” 
A few years back I’d have argued until either we had a fight or the cows came home, but therapy had helped me realize that I could just let some things go.
Real love is about consistency over time, battles won, battles lost, the pain, the pleasure, the sharing. 
 Strength shared is strength multiplied.
She just looked happy, and nothing makes someone as beautiful as happiness and being in love. No makeup or youth serum can come close to that beauty secret.
Who wanted to be around a constant stream of negativity?
I knew he would shield me with his own body, and the strength that would have scared me under other circumstances now became the ultimate comfort. I knew that all that energy and strength was now aimed at keeping me safe. The difference between prince and beast is often just a matter of how a man uses his strength and rage. Aimed well, it is a shelter that you can hide behind no matter how great the storm. Turned against you, it makes shelter into a trap.

Sometimes you need to embrace the suck and just go along for the ride, but sometimes you need to tell whoever is making your life suck to stop being a dick and do better. Tyburn was now on my you-almost-killed-me-so-do-better-or-let-me-drive list
Part of wisdom is being honest with yourself,

#Sucker Punch #Anita Blake #LaurellKHamilton

How you can Help…

I’m a reader-always have been. What does that mean? It means that from Kindergarten through eighth grade, my favorite day of the month was when the scholastic book order forms came in and then the day the books actually arrived. I always ordered way more than I could possibly read and lugging those boxes of books home was like the eighth night of hannukkah and my birthday all rolled into one…

When my children were younger, it meant reading books sometimes a word at a time, but I always had a book with me and I will admit to great pride that I finished any books at all with my children at toddler age. Now it means always having a book loaded on my phone to play or read every opportunity I get.

For me, books are a necessity. I cannot imagine a world without books. If something was wrong in my life, most times being swallowed into a story would make it better or at the very least put off the problem until I could find a solution. Reading gave me time to assimilate, a place where all my life’s problems could be put on a shelf for a while. I could visit fantastical worlds where magic and all things were possible. I could bear witness to amazing legal battles and see fancy balls from all the ages. I could see love triumph over incredible odds. There was no end to what I might find between the covers of a book.

As I have grown older and my burdens have become heavier, I have found that sometimes books bring me a simple distraction and I have also found that the characters in these books can become friends in a way. I am fully aware that the characters in my favorite books are fictional, but I worry over their lives as I would a friend. And I have found that having these books I love so very much has brought me some true friends along the way. Those friendships start with a conversation when we notice we are reading the same book or author and can develop into deep discussions and speculation.

And that love of books brought me to this blog. In reaching out to my favorite authors I found that they were struggling. Niche Publishing Houses had gone out of business, and the big publishing houses were mismarketing the books{marketing an urban fantasy book as a traditional romance, leaving the consumers of both urban fantasy and traditional romance unhappy)-so that when contract negotiations for more books began, the publisher could point to bad sales. The publishing house has complete control over when the books are released as well–and with a few different authors, they keep announcing dates, then pushing them back with no communication. That led to a number of angered fans, some of whom have sworn off the authors entirely. Also, some of the authors had felt very comfortable with the niche houses and so left broad areas in their contracts because of the level of trust that existed. Now those broad areas are leaving them with little contractual wigggle room, allowing the big houses to do many things without the authors input or consent. Bad pairings were being made between authors and editors which led to bad books and a loss of loyal fans.

A few of those authors told me that the best thing I can do to help is write reviews and generate buzz around their latest releases. This led me to this blog and now I am finding that I need to generate followers in order to get electronic ARC’s so I can create bigger buzz leading up to the release of the books.

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Re: Hunt the Moon Chapter 26 & 27

freespeechfandom:

@bestbooklover
Once he is healed enough to actually take control of the sex he is still not willing to let Cassie in at all. Cassie trusts him to not kill her but he doesn’t and he doesn’t want to get any more vulnerable to Cassie and so he limits it to oral sex and her orgasm.

Yeah good point. While Rosier’s prohibition was still in effect, that applies to demon sex, so he was held back more by his own figurative demons I think. It also highlights that Cassie and Pritkin never really make a conscious decision (about being intimate) that they commit to. Without external pressure, neither of them would initiate it.

@windsurfingthroughhell said:

Idk, I just have weird and particular ideas about consent and autonomy. I don’t like people making choices for Cassie, especially as regards her body, but this particular instance of it bothers me less than say, that Mircass scene in TtD, because Pritkin didn’t compromise her ability to consent, Rosier did, and he also apologised for it later

As @bestbooklover mentions, Cassie consented to the process at the start. What I’m curious about is why we’re all focusing on Cassie, when she was a deliberate, initiative-taking active party in the whole ordeal. It was Pritkin who was unconscious, who had his body intimately handled without his awareness or prior consent. He didn’t ask Cassie for sexual help, even though he could have; he would have never touched her in any of the scenes if not for Cassie’s demands/actions to ensure that he does.

And even when he does yield to her, he is clearly very conflicted. He is torn and upset, more so than Cassie ever was about any of her sexual encounters. It is him, not Cassie, who is broken and guilt-ridden and angry and catatonically traumatized in the shower, it’s not Cassie who needs comfort, it’s Pritkin. And Cassie has just forced him to relive his worst nightmare and do things he hates and shuns on his own volition.

I did make a satire post about this around April to illustrate double standards and biases, but since nobody addressed Pritkin’s consent, it proves that this topic might be worth a more serious post. I’m not sure whether it’s actually the books or the fandom that focuses so much on Cassie’s more minor experiences and ignores far more traumatic events for other characters, but consent should be a non-gendered topic, just like physical violence (the trivialization of which Cassie also does in the books).

Yay!  I love it when we all start talking!

@freespeechfandom has some valid points.  As we move through the books, there are some issues regarding Pritkin’s consent.  However, if we waited for Pritkin to agree to be healed through his incubus side by Cassie-he would have died first.  Pritkin definitely has a hero complex and has consistently maintained that Cassie would be better off letting him go.  I agree that consent is a two sided issue and would love to see a well adjusted Pritkin so we could discuss his consent without his suicidal starving of his incubus and his outright denial of his feelings for Cassie.

As for why I keep talking about Cassie-in my opinion the whole series is about Cassie.  So I am cassie-centric in my thoughts and posts.

I think Cassie supports Pritkin in the shower.  I think she tries as hard as she can to be his friend.  Now admittedly Cassie jumped into the deep end of friend and love interactions from the time she first comes to the Senate against her will.  Cassie has never had a friend or a lover or even a real bodyguard other than Billie Joe and a hell raising, card cheating ghost from the 1800′s isnt exactly the best template for friendship.

I will be the first to admit that within the books there are boundary issues all around and there is more than enough for everyone!

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Hunt the Moon Chapter 26 & 27

windsurfingthroughhell:

slightlybitchyclairvoyant:

I’m doing my review for both chapters (a) because I’m lazy and behind on my posts and (b) because I usually read these two chapters together anyway and I have trouble separating them in my mind.

Chapter 26 is is kind of a strange chapter, because you have such a contrast between what is happening and why it is happening.  Cassie and Pritkin have sex, and it’s very intimate, but the reason for it is because it’s the only way to save Pritkin’s life.  The contrast heightens the tension exponentially.  The whole chapter feels on edge – will this actually save Pritkin?  Will he go too far and kill Cassie by accident?  Will Caleb interfere?

And to make an already awful situation even more difficult, Rosier shows up and puts a compulsion on Cassie.  It’s kind of squicky, and he doesn’t help anything by saying “Let Daddy help”, but I appreciate that he wants to save his son.  It gets the job done, and that’s honestly the focus of both Cassie and Rosier at this point.

Okay, I admit – I am shipper trash enough to squee over Cassie and Pritkin having a sexual encounter.   But Chapter 27 moves us from the hot-but-dangerous sex to the emotional fallout.  And, oh man.  There is some serious fallout.

This is the chapter of emotional intimacy, and KC does not pull her punches.  I’m talking, of course, about the one and only shower hug scene.

*deep breath*

I don’t think there has been another scene with the emotional weight of this one.  KC has written dozens of other scenes that make me feel all the feelings, but this is the one that catches my attention before any of the others.  

Cassie and Pritkin are kind of literally and emotionally naked with each other, and KC shows us this with almost no dialogue.  In a few short paragraphs, we clearly see how much they care about each other and depend on each other, and not just in the saving-each-other way.  The depth of their trust in each other is so obvious here.  Both of them tend to repress a lot, but they don’t tend to hide from each other.  It’s a gorgeous scene, and one that I love to reread often.

Also, if you haven’t seen it, @pritkinsprettydick drew the shower hug and it’s perfect :D.

The whole thing about Caleb being there has always been vaguely squicky to me but a lot of Casskin sex scenes do have this discomforting edge to them? This dubcon element that’s not really either character’s fault, but which makes me uneasy when reading them, no matter how sexy the scene might be – it’s so tragic really, that they never get to be with each other just for the sake of being with each other. Well, so far. 

A side note though – Pritkin is aware that Cassie isn’t in a position to give informed consent and he tries really hard to avoid doing anything that might feel like a violation to her later (it doesn’t but I think Cassie is more okay with having her body used by other people than I would be). I’m not sure whether he could safely have waited for the influence to wear off, but the key thing for me is that he apologises later. Cassie may not feel that he did anything wrong, and he was forced into a situation where he had to make that choice, but I think, and I suspect Pritkin also thinks, that it’s still a choice he didn’t have the right to make. Idk, I just have weird and particular ideas about consent and autonomy. I don’t like people making choices for Cassie, especially as regards her body, but this particular instance of it bothers me less than say, that Mircass scene in TtD, because Pritkin didn’t compromise her ability to consent, Rosier did, and he also apologised for it later – he acknowledged that it wasn’t a good situation, even if it wasn’t his fault. (of course Pritkin isn’t always perfect when it comes to consent – his 18th century self had some Issues in that regard that I wanted to talk about in EtN but then I missed those chapters, so I’ll probably bring it up in RtW when it becomes relevant). 

I also appreciate that they get to have some serious fall out from this uncomfortable (albeit sexy) scene? They get to talk about their feelings, reaffirm an emotional connection, and they comfort each other. It’s wonderful. 

Anyway, I 100% agree about The Shower Hug. It’s emotional destruction on an epic scale. And you know what? I never picked up on the symbolism of them being naked (or mostly naked, in Cassie’s case). Pritkin’s at his most vulnerable physically and emotionally. Damn it! 

OK, So standard disclaimers apply…and you all know all of them 🙂 So, yes this is a really uncomfortable scene. You have got Pritkin unconscious and dying, war mages wanting to try magic and Cassie losing her everloving shit. For the first time ever the war mages actually listen to Cassie and let Caleb drive a dying Pritkin and wounded Cassie away. Rossier being there to help out yeah it’s squicky but given the state Pritkin is in and the state Cassie is in I’m glad Rossier stepped in. Yes it adds complications because Cassie’s consent is iffy, but in my opinion Cassie give’s consent when she starts the whole ball of wax arolling, so later consent is not really needed. She wanted to save Pritkin and by g-d she was saving his ass come hell or high water! Caleb’s freak out is annoying as hell but we need Caleb to know about Pritkin later so it works for me.
I’m a little disappointed in Pritkin here. (cue screaming from others on Tumblr) Once he is healed enough to actually take control of the sex he is still not willing to let Cassie in at all. Cassie trusts him to not kill her but he doesn’t and he doesn’t want to get any more vulnerable to Cassie and so he limits it to oral sex and her orgasm.
I love the fact that Karen Chance doesn’t allow Pritkin to withdraw and distance. I love the fact that after the life and death sex or die Cassie is able to be Pritkins’s emotional support in the shower. That’s more important than the sex in some ways. cassie is not letting Pritkin distance himself from her and withdraw or take the fault for this…Cassie is not going to let him make this a reason to withdraw further or add it to his noble reasons to withdraw from the field. I think this whole thing shows Cassie growing into her power. making the war mages do what she wants, making Caleb listen, bossing Rossier and Pritkin around and still declaring her independence from Mircea (don’t forget that all of this started with the rebellion and pizza)…as an aside to that given that Pritkin just told Cassie in their comical conversation over pizza there will be no more sexual healing slip ups leads to the most sexual of their healing slip ups…can anyone say irony?
I am tired and my brain is stalling so this will be my two cents for a while…Please feel free to argue with me, as all of our perspectives make the reread all the more fun

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Free Book!!! Legitimate copy

Get a free book, for great justice.

 

Tor.com is giving away free, worldwide ebooks of EVERY HEART A DOORWAY by Seanan Macguire until midnight.  Details are here:

http://giveaway.tor.com/

These are legal, legit copies of the book, given away by my publisher, with my full consent.  So please, spread it far and wide.

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