Tag: laugh

In the vein of sometime we all need something to laugh at or distract us from whatever awful our day is throwing our way….

An Incredible Opportunity for Free Books

So, if you have been following me for a while you know I am a fan of Debra Dunbar. Her storie are amazing to me. Even when I am trying to write a review I frequently find myself rereading the sentence again to make sure I really wanted to say that because it is so bizarre that I can’t believe I just typed that. Her books are Laugh out Loud for me, and somehow I can never quite find the words to explain what’s so funny and taken out of context people find it not that funny. So, when her newsetter told me that a giveaway was going on including her books, my first thought was I gotta get those books and then, I have to sprea the word…

So, check this out my friends:
http://books.bookfunnel.com/romancebooks

[Top]

Devon Monk Quote

“It’s the knitters. They’ve declared war. And the crocheters are geared up for the siege.” Pause. “What now?” “The knitters. You know. The K.I.N.K.s and C.O.C.K.s.” Jean barked out a laugh and set off into a howling giggle fit. “Uhng…huh?” was the only thing I had to offer. Ryder coughed, and then laughed, a deep, warm sound that made me want to press myself closer to him so I could wallow in the joy there. Even Shoe and Hatter chuckled. Roy, just shook his head. “You’re all children.” Bathin wasn’t laughing, but he intently took in our reactions. He almost looked pleased. Which, okay, I hadn’t known him for even a day yet, but I would have expected him to be sort of into pain and suffering, not a bunch of people laughing over a couple acronyms. “Delaney,” Bertie scolded. “This is serious.” “Right. Yes. Serious. Okay. So the knitters, that’s the K.I.N.K.s?” Bertie nodded. “The K.I.N.K.s have threatened the C.O.C.Ks?” “Woulda’ thought they’d be into that,” Hatter delivered deadpan. “Did they forget their safeword?” Shoe asked. Jean’s howl turned into a hissy wheeze. Both men grinned at her reaction. She waved at them, trying to make them stop. Bertie arched her eyebrows. “Perhaps we should head to the engagement before the members get out of hand and things take a turn for the worseNope. She’d started this. And Hatter wasn’t going to miss a chance to make Jean choke on her tongue. “If you’re hard up, Shoe and I can whip those C.O.C.Ks into shape. Shoe’s got lots of practice. He can whip C.O.C.K. with one hand tied behind his back. I hear he likes it that way.” Shoe nodded, his serious expression unyielding. “Hatter has a lot of experience with K.I.N.K. He’s a master at dominating those kinds of situations.” Jean wrapped her good arm across her ribs and whispered. “Hurts. Stop. Oh, gods.”

Devon Monk, Gods and Ends

Gods and Ends (Ordinary Magic) (Volume 3) Book Cover Gods and Ends (Ordinary Magic) (Volume 3)
Ordinary Magic
Devon Monk
Paranormal Romance
306 pages

Keep your gods close and your monsters closer... Police Chief Delaney Reed thinks she knows all of Ordinary, Oregon’s secrets. Gods on vacation, lovelorn ghosts, friendly neighborhood monsters? Check. But some secrets run deeper than even she knows. To take down an ancient vampire hell-bent on revenge, she will have to make the hardest decision of her life: give up the book of dark magic that can destroy them all, or surrender her mortal soul. As she weighs her options, Delaney discovers she can no longer tell the difference between allies keeping secrets and enemies telling the truth. Questioning loyalties and running out of time, Delaney must choose sides before a kidnapping turns into murder, before rival crochet and knit gangs start a war, and before the full moon rises to signal the beginning of Ordinary’s end.

[Top]

Good Rules of Thumb

skip-beat-manga:

KyokoRen Week 2017 | Day 7 – Smile

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

-Mark Twain

live,laugh,love

[Top]

Feast’s Famine by Debra Dunbar

I really enjoy all of Debra Dunbar’s works.  She has a unique voice.  I don’t think any of the characters from any of her series would have occurred to me in a million years, but they work.  There are 2 main series that she writes and they are completely different worlds.  Her Imp world series follows the bizarre and sometimes slightly bad but always hilarious life of Samantha Martin, a low level imp from hell who just wants to slip under the radar and somehow manages to attract the attention of the archangels and end up in charge of Hell.  And yeah that sentence was as bizarre as it sounded.  That would ends up incorporating all kinds of other creatures, from elves who decided to live in hell after the big war, to nephilim (children of an angel and a human and totally illegal) to vampires.  And so there are a few spin-offs from that world, and all are worth a read.  I promise you will laugh at things that make no sense outside of the context of the story-I learned that the hard way.  I tried to share a couple of quotes with people and got horrified looks.  SO, I just recommend the books now, I don’t even try to explain them.  But that is only one of the series Debra writes.  

SO on, to the second series, which Feast’s Famine is the 4th book of.  This is the Templar series, and much like the Imp series they revolve around a young woman heroine.  These books revolve around  Solaria Ainsworth, who was raised in a family of Knights Templar.  The Knights Templar are holy warriors, blessed by god to protect the temple, its artifacts and the pilgrims on the path to salvation.  And they have done this for a long time and built up huge libraries of vast knowledge and they are bound to help all those who seek them out.  They have grown rich by protecting and preserving their charges.  And Solaria has been raised to become a knight, which means that she has been trained in swords and fighting in all styles.  But when it comes, time to take her place among the others, she balks.  And ends up living in Baltimore, working in a coffee shop.  And through a series of events, ends up involved with mages and vampires and all kinds of supernatural craziness and LARPing too!  Solaria ends up becoming the Templar protecting the city of Baltimore in her spare time and involved with the vampires too!

Feast’s Famine is the fourth book in the series and delivers the same pace of crazy events.  It opens with a medieval tournament and speeds along from there.  There is a disease demon in Baltimore and he’s created a unique disease along with all the usual suspects, including the Black Plague.  This disease causes a person to have insatiable hunger.  And the group of humans that have been infected are willing blood donors to the vampires, and this virus can infect the vampires too! And vampires with insatiable hunger could cut quite a swath across a modern city.  

This creates an urgency to Aria’s investigation.  And it doesn’t help that she has finally crossed the line into an inter species sexual relationship with Dario, a powerful vampire.  It’s a fun read and a great addition to the series!

[Top]

the interminable wait for book _______

So, here’s the thing.  I am a reader.  And with the advent of new technology, I can have my phone read to me while I do a gazillion other things…So, due to the fact that I had a speed reading class in high school and …well I consume books.  And quickly.  It makes Tuesdays my favorite day.  And I have a lot of series I follow.  So Karen Chance is one among the many for me.  And at first I was Seriously mad at the delays and changing publication dates.  

But in the last year, I have come to realize that my book’s are a coping mechanism.  They give me something to hold on to.  Something to talk about.  Something to occupy the 60% of my brain that keeps screaming this can’t be my life.  And to let me be somewhat calm, and positive.  At least I’m not being chased by monsters, only creditors!  And yes, I am a widow with two beautiful teenage daughters.  Which means that I am scared to bring any man home because I am very careful about my blue eyed, blonde haired beautiful brilliant children are exposed to.  And I had a great husband which means I am not willing to settle for anything else.  So I read a lot of very explicit series cause that’s my only sexual release.

So I read Laurell K Hamilton and lots of others.  But here’s the thing.  We have to support our authors.  The publishing business is hard.  And they create these amazing worlds and characters we all.love.   And for them the creation process is amazingly complex with first drafts and then edit after edit.  Some people get really nasty about these amazing works of creation.  And I understand that, too.  I love the main characters in my books.  They are like friends who I visit with every time I read the book.   And I hate some of the things that happen.  In a way even the violently negative feedback is a compliment to the author.  But why should they keep spending 6-8 hours a day writing for us if we just bitch about it.  Why do the work of edit after edit?  

I am making a stand.  Laurell K Hamilton won’t publish when her next book will be out or which series it will be.  Why should she? Her fans will wail and whimper.  If she just publishes it and tells us after the last draft is finalized, she gets to bypass all the people mad when she misses a date!  And poor Karen Chance, who keeps trying to put out book 8-but the book is too long for paperback.  And then there’s the other stuff she writes.  Freebie’s that are hard work for her but taken as though they are due to the readers.  Ever since Karen published Book 7, with delays, she has been working hard to give us a good book 8.  And what do the readers do? Some of us go back and reread.  Look for all the nuances we keep missing in the race to find out what happened.  And then another group gets vocal-and trashes Karen Chance for missing publicized release dates.  Rather than doing that, I’m doing the opposite.

I am going to support my favorite authors.  I don’t care how long I have to wait for the next installment.  I’m going to send them messages, asking questions about the books I have.  I’m going to reread, and laugh and cry and scream and yell.  I’m going to write new reviews, new FAQs, new posts.  I’m going to do whatever the hell I can to make sure I get to know how the stories end.  I will write petitions.  I will beg,  plead and cajole.  I will help the next Kit Colbana book be made by sending money on Patreon.  And I will appreciate the freebies, the alternate POV, the deleted scenes.  I am doubly supportive of the authors I love who have prepublished schedules and put out surprise books too! I love Jenna Black and Lauren Dane and Seanan Mcguire and Kelley Armstrong and Christine Feehan.  But I will keep on supporting everyone…

[Top]

Trying to engage his gray matter in something, anything else, he fired up the Internet and decided to monitor some of the human news outlets. That was always worth a laugh. The shit those motherfuckers could get themselves worked up over was just incredible—and then inevitably they ended up yelling at each other through their computers. Truth was nuanced. Hysteria anything but. After idling through CNN.com , Fox News, and TMZ.com , he ended up on YouTube watching McKamey Manor videos, which was one of his absolutely favorite things to do, and which did, as usual, cheer him up a little. And it was after about a half hour of that when a notification flared on the bottom of the screen, indicating an email had come through to him.

The Chosen, JR Ward
[Top]

We’re prepared to scribe up,” Bella said. “And then we’ve asked for Last Meal on special service, because we’re doing movie day upstairs in the theater.” “ Magic Mike XXL just came out on DVD,” Beth chimed in. “We have a moral obligation to support the arts, even if they’re just the human ones.” “I haven’t seen the first one,” Autumn murmured. “They tell me his pelvis is double-jointed. Is that true?” Beth came forward and took the Neverfull. “Come on, you look like you need a girls’ night. Payne and Xhex are joining us. So are Cormia, Layla, Doc Jane, and Ehlena. We’re getting all of us the friendship that was being offered. It seemed … too frivolous when she thought about all she wasn’t able to do for that unknown female. Bella leaned in. “We’ve told the males that they can’t come in. Mostly because if they see that Channing guy up on the big screen—” Beth finished, “—we’re going to need to do a remodel after they’re done with things.” “Back to the double-jointed business,” Autumn kicked in. “I mean, how does he walk?” “Very well, my friend.” As Bella answered Tohr’s mate, she put an arm around Marissa’s shoulders. “Very, very well.” As Marissa let herself get drawn into the billiards room—where ink pots had been set up on one of the coffee tables and there was already a glass set out for her—she began to blink fast. Part of the emotion was the fact that that female who had died wasn’t ever going to have anything like this again—if she’d been lucky enough to find good people surrounding her while she’d been alive. The other half was a gratitude so great, her chest could barely contain the emotion. “Ladies,” she said, putting her arm around Bella’s waist. “Let’s do the addressing quickly—so we can get to the undressing.”…“I ’m sorry … they’re doing what ?” As Butch spoke, he looked at the males-only group sitting around the mansion’s dining room table. Not one of his brothers or any of the soldiers was laughing or talking loudly. The bunch of sad sack losers was just sitting in front of half-eaten plates and untouched rocks glasses of vodka, bourbon and whiskey like a roll call of bassett hounds who’d lost their anti-depressants. Not what he’d expected to find as he came late to Last Meal. When Marissa had texted him and told him she was working with the females on something, it had seemed like a good idea to with your sac or something?” Wrath inhaled like he was about to break the news of a death in the family. “They’re having a movie night.” Butch rolled his eyes and went over to his chair. Yeah, it was a little weird to sit down without his Marissa by his side, but for crissakes, it was nothing to go Prozac over. Besides, he was glad his woman had friends in the house— “They’re watching Magic Mike ,” someone said. “Is that a children’s show?” He sat back as Fritz put a heaping plate of lamb in front of him. “Thanks, man—oh, thanks, yeah, I’d love a drink. I’ll take a Lagavulin on the rocks—” Butch stopped talking as he realized the entire table of males was looking at him. “What?” “You haven’t heard about Magic Mike ?” Rhage demanded. “No.” He leaned back again as his drink was delivered. “Thanks. Is it like Barney?” “It’s about strippers,” Hollywood countered. Butch frowned and lowered the glass from his lips. “I’m sorry?” V came in from the pantry with a thick pouch of tobacco, a pack of rolling papers, and a scowl like somebody had stripped his favorite sex toy of its batteries. “Naked,” Vishous muttered as he sat where Marissa should have been. “Buck-ass naked. And they’re humans. Christ, it’s like being shown up by a pack of dogs.” “In thongs,” someone else bitched. “Dogs in thongs.” Butch followed through on taking a drink this time, swallowing the burn, welcoming the heat in his gut. Okay, fine, it was a bit of a surprise to find that he kept going until the glass was empty, but hey, he had a lot to think about. On one level, the fact that his shellan was watching a movie with her buddies, even if it did involve some nakey, really wasn’t a big deal. On another level, he wanted to find the electrical box and cut the power to that part of the mansion. Then torch the DVD. And the screen. And take his mate to bed just to show her all the tricks he had over some actor in a—oh, God, a thong? “It’s fine,” he heard himself say as he motioned to a doggen for a refill. “I mean, first of all, they love us—and second, it’s not like it’s an X rated—” the thing at the fallen angel’s head. “You keep talking like that and I’ma trim your hair. With my eyes closed.” Lassiter laughed. “Yeah, whatever, big boy. I thought you had more mojo than to get worked up over something like this. You really that insecure?” “You want insecure,” V said. “I’ll make you—” “Okay, okay,” Butch cut in. “Leave it, V. It’s fine, it’s great—they’re just enjoying themselves. What’s wrong with that? It’s not like they’re sleeping with the guy.” “You sure about that?” Lassiter smiled. “You don’t think they’re fantasizing about—” The collective growl that rose up from the Brotherhood was so loud, it managed to agitate the crystals in the enormous chandelier hanging over the table. And the fallen angel was an idiot, but he wasn’t stupid. Moving slowly, like there were multiple guns pointed at him, he put his hands up in submission. “Sorry. Whatever. I’ll stop before all this lame-ass uncomfortability you bunch of morons are sporting kills me.” “Wise choice,” Butch said dryly. “Not that I wouldn’t mind hitting you right now. Although that’s not specific to this sitch.” Lassiter went back to eating, shoving food into his face. The Brothers weren’t so quick to do a reset on things, those narrowed eyes and bared fangs still trained on the angel with the big mouth. “Come on, boys, it’s fine .” He cut a piece of lamb off and put it in his mouth. “Mmm. Delish.” In reality, the stuff tasted like cardboard, but he made a show of the yummies. He couldn’t keep it up, though. Two minutes later, he was shoving a full plate away and nursing his second whiskey. “Really. They should have a little independence. They don’t need to be locked at our hips, and listen, life here revolves around us. It’s about time they do something just for them. Really. This is great.” Next to him, V lit up a fat hand-rolled. “Is it. You like the idea of Marissa looking at some other male’s junk?” “It’s not an X-rated—” As his voice squeaked, he cleared his throat. “I mean, it couldn’t be … no, it’s not—” up again before the growling got even worse. “Jesus, you guys are so damn touchy.” Butch shook his head and decided the angel was on his own. “So, yeah, I mean, a little gyrating—a pec pump or two. It’s nothing to get worked up over. Fritz, can I have a refill over here again?” The butler hustled over to pick up the empty glass. “Would any of you care for dessert? We have homemade ice cream and Petit Gâteau .” Butch glanced at Hollywood. “What do you say there, my man?” When Rhage just swished his ginger ale around in his glass, Butch cursed and said to Fritz, “This one here will have some even if no one else does.” “Bring me the dessert,” Rhage spoke up. Fritz bowed with Butch’s glass in his hand. “But of course, sire. I shall fix you a plate directly—” “No. I want the whole dessert. All of the cake and all of the ice cream.” Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd that was how Hollywood ended up with a morose audience of however many playing witness to his consuming fifteen small chocolate cakes and two gallons of vanilla ice cream. It was like watching paint dry, except there was no chemical smell and the room was the same color before and after. The good news was that the booze was doing its job, fuzzing out Butch’s mind, making his body both numb and horny. “May I have another?” he asked a passing doggen who was removing the final chocolate-smudged plate. “Thank you so much.” When his glass came back, he pushed his chair away from the table. “I’m out. I’ve got some work to do.” And no offense to any of them, but hanging around in their vibe was just making him more depressed. Any more of this and he was going to start braiding the noose. Walking out, he paused in the grand foyer. Looked up the stairs. Tried to imagine his Marissa ogling some actor in his underwear. “Really. It’s fine. Good for her.” He took his phone out and called up their text string. Hesitating, he thought he’d just send her something, you know, to about something like this. Marissa wasn’t only the love of his life; she was a female of worth who would never cheat on him. And hello , it wasn’t like she’d checked into a seedy motel with the guy, for fuck’s sake. She was hanging with her friends just like he hung out with his. This was ridiculous. He was not the jealous type— The sound of shitkickers approaching had him glancing over his shoulder. It was Rhage, and the brother had a frothing glass of Alka-Seltzer in his hand. Hollywood looked up the stairs. And dollars for dipshits, he was thinking exactly what Butch was. “I’m going up,” the guy announced. “Now, wait, wait, wait.” Butch grabbed that huge forearm and squeezed. “It’s not like you can just burst in there.” “Why not?” “It’s girls’ night.” “So I’ll put on a dress.” “Fucking hell, Rhage. Really ?” Next out were V., John Matthew and Tohr. And everyone else, including Wrath—and even Manny, who, in spite of being a full-blown human, was right there along with the hound-faced rest of them. “We are not going up there,” Butch announced. “We’re going to go play some pool, and get drunk, and talk about all the kills we had in the attack on Brownswick. We’re going to have a great fucking night—day, whatever the hell it is. Now pick your balls up off the floor and let’s start behaving like men.” “He has skills. I’m just saying.” As Doc Jane spoke up, the captivated audience that was focused on the big screen was in total, very unmuted agreement. Payne let out another of her now-trademark wolf whistles. Xhex cursed and threw more Milk Duds at the image, yelling, “Damn, son, you get that shit! You get it!” Marissa just laughed again. She couldn’t decide what was more amusing, the movies or the company—probably the company. Although the humans were not hard on the eyes, she had to this hard. There was something about being with the girls that made the jokes both worse and better at the same time, and the giggling louder, and the silliness more stupid. All of which was a very beautiful thing, as it turned out. It also reminded her of how great it was to be accepted for exactly who she was, no external expectations laid on her, no shortfalls she hadn’t volunteered for cutting her down. No judgment, just love. Plus a number of naked guys who were almost as hot as her male? Not a hardship. When the final scene was over and the credits started to roll, they clapped like the actors could hear them all the way out in California. “Can you teach me how to whistle like that?” someone asked Payne. “You just put two lips around your fingers and blow,” the female replied. “Isn’t that a line from a movie?” somebody chimed in. “Are they going to do a third one—” “Magic Mike Ginormous—” “We need to watch one and two again first as prep—we’ve got a tradition to uphold—” “Anybody see Nine and a Half Weeks lately—” “What’s that—” One by one, they stood up from the padded leather recliners and stretched in the dim, windowless room, backs cracking, shoulders unknotting. And it was funny—Marissa felt the urge to cut through the conversation and say something profound and meaningful, just to acknowledge the space they’d been in. But the right words didn’t come. Instead, she said, “Hey, can we do this again?” Then again, maybe that was exactly what she meant. Well, what do you know, the peanut gallery was so on board: The rousing cheer was as loud as the hoots at the dance scenes, and the idea that this special time wasn’t a one-off made her feel a piercing kind of relief. “I think we need a Chris Pratt marathon next. Guardians of the Marissa wadded her empty Milk Duds box and made a rim shot with it into the trash. Abruptly, she realized that she couldn’t wait to see Butch—and not because of all the scenes of half-naked bodies. She missed him—which was ridiculous, considering neither one of them had gone anywhere. Heading for the door by the glass display of candy bars, she was smiling as she pushed open the— “Dear … God,” she blurted as she recoiled. The hallway beyond was filled with the males of the house, the Brothers and other fighters and Manny sitting on the floor with their backs to the bare walls, their legs stretched out, propped up, crossed at the knees or crossed at the ankles. Apparently there had been quite a bit of drinking going on, empty bottles of vodka and whiskey littered around them, glasses in hands or on thighs. “This is not as pathetic as it looks,” her Butch pointed out. “Liar,” V muttered. “It so fucking is. I think I’m going to start knitting for reals.” As the females emerged with her, each one of them registered shock, disbelief, and then a wry amusement. “Is it me,” one of the males groused, “or did we just perform our own mass castration out here?” “I think that just about sums this shit up,” somebody agreed. “I’m wearing panties under my leathers from now on. Anyone joining me?” “Lassiter already does,” V said as he got to his feet and went to Jane. “Hey.” And then it was group-reunion time. While the other pairs found one another, Butch smiled as Marissa came over to him and put out her hand to help him off the floor. As they embraced, he kissed her on the side of the neck. “Are you out of love with me now?” he murmured. “’Cuz I’m pussy-whipped?” She leaned back in his arms. “Why? Because you pined after me while I was watching a dirty movie with my girls that wasn’t all that dirty? I think it’s actually—and brace yourself—really pretty cute.” “I’m still all man.” As she rolled her body against him, she let out a mmmm as she and that meant a trip all the way downstairs, into the tunnel, and through the underground passage to get back to their bedroom. He wasn’t going to last that long. Not even close. The first available vacancy with any privacy came in the form of an unoccupied staff bedroom that had pulled drapes, a twin bed with no sheets on it, and a very handy brass lock. Butch didn’t bother turning the lights on; he just pulled his female against his body and kissed the ever-loving crap out of her as he kicked the door closed and worked that dead bolt like a pro. “I need you so bad,” he growled. “You’ve got me,” she said against his mouth. Fucking perfect, his cock roared in his pants. And talk about following orders: with a quick shift, he backed her up to the bed, sat her down and knelt in front of her. As he inhaled deeply, he started to laugh.“What?” she murmured, all half-lidded and wholly edible. “You’re aroused.” “Of course I am.” “You weren’t when you came out of the movie.” “Why would I have been? That was just good fun with the girls. Like going to a museum, you know? You appreciate the art, but you wouldn’t take it home with you.” “So I’m still your favorite flavor?” “You’re my only flavor.” Well, didn’t that make him go all robin-breasted, dick swing with the ego. Flashing his fangs, he said, “Now, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.” “Were you really jealous?” she said. “Of a movie?” “Yes.” The laugh that came out of her was so easy and relaxed, such a happy sound, that it made him hope she and her girls got together again and, yes, to watch sexy humans gyrate on the screen, if that was what made his mate uncoil like this. Granted, he wasn’t about to write that Tanning Chatum guy a fan letter, but he was more than grateful for those females and that friendship. Anyone, anything that took care of his shellan was all right in body down on the little bed. He had a lot of plans that involved him going down on her for two hours—but his cock wasn’t going to be able to wait for all that. He needed in her. Now. Zeroing in on the fastening of her slacks, he had her naked from the waist down with some quick hand work and one pull down her long, lovely legs. And then his palms were traveling up her calves, her thighs. With a moan, she spread further for him as if she wanted this as badly as he did, revealing her bare, glistening sex—and that was when he lost his damn mind. Outing his erection, he went right for the heart of her, no preamble, no foreplay—they were both beyond ready. “Marissa,” he groaned as he penetrated her, sliding in deep, the sensation at once familiar and bracingly electric. Cursing on the exhale, he reared up and his hips took over, grinding, thrusting, pumping—and he loved how she held on to his neck and shoulders. “Take my vein,” she ordered. His fangs had already punched out of the roof of his mouth, and he bared them with a hiss. Striking in his favorite spot, on the left side, he drew deep, drank hard, got high on her taste as well as the sex. He couldn’t last long with that, though. Shit was getting too hard, too fast down below. Licking the puncture wounds closed, he repositioned her so he could go even deeper—then he grabbed onto her hip bones and dug in, pistoning her body, rocking things so hard the thin metal frame banged into the wall and the tinny mattress springs became a symphony of wild creaking. He heard her come, which was what he’d been after, heard that common, nothing-fancy name of his erupt into the sex-scented air—and he wanted to stop so he could feel that rhythmic gripping of her core. He was too far gone, though. His balls were tucking up and going hot, his pelvis was doing that autonomic jerking shit that he was no more capable of reining in than he could stop his own heart, and his cock was that bizarre combination of numb and hypersensitive— Butch came so hard he got a load of fireworks across his vision, and even as he started to ejaculate, he knew he wasn’t finished. He kept riding her, shifting positions again, arching farther over her body until his weight was braced on the balls of his feet floor. But again, there was no stopping. He just walked along with it—until the frame fit itself obligingly into a corner. Talk about some leverage. Fucking. Perfect. Butch kept going at it, pounding her, his body doing an uncoiling of its own, the weeks—and maybe, if he was honest, months—of feeling somewhat separate from her disappearing like he was fucking that subtle distance out of existence. Lot of orgasms. The fantastic ugly kind where your face screwed up hard, and you were going to be sore when you woke up, and shit got really, really messy down below. When it was finally over, he collapsed on top of her. He meant to roll over, though, so she could breathe easier. He really did. Yup. Rolling over would be good right now. Uh-huh. In three … two … … one.

Blood Kiss JR Ward
[Top]

Touch the dark part two

So, Cassie knows something is up when she is escorted into the vampire senates meeting room.  Tony is there via mirror, but he is digging a hole for himself.  The mirror gets taken away…and Cassie gets her first look at the North American Vampire Senate led by none other than Cleopatra herself…Rather then try to explain, ill just quote from here …then i will hit you with what i think

Besides the Consul’s, there were twelve places at the table. More than half were empty, but the ones that were filled made up for it. A dark-haired woman sat nearest to me, dressed in a long velvet gown. A little cap decorated with pearls as big as my thumb framed her face, and heavy gold embroidery traced its way up her burgundy skirts. Her skin had the opalescent sheen of naturally  pale skin that hasn’t seen the sun in centuries, and was marred only by a ridge of scar tissue around her throat that a silk ribbon didn’t quite conceal. Someone had gotten close enough to this beauty to take her head but hadn’t heard that this alone won’t kill a vamp. If the heart is intact, the body will mend, although I winced at the amount of effort it must have taken to heal a wound like that. Next to her sat the only person at the table I recognized. I could hardly fail to do so since Tony boasted about his connection to the famous Dracula line at every opportunity, and had portraits of all three brothers on the wall of his throne room. He had been made not by Vlad III Tepes, the Dracula of legend, but by the great man’s elder brother, Mircea. We’d entertained him in Philly when I was eleven. Like many children, I loved a good story, which was lucky since there was little Mircea liked better than to go on about the bad old days. He’d told me how, when his younger brothers Vlad and Radu were in Adrianople as hostages—the Ottoman sultan didn’t trust their father to honor a treaty otherwise—Mircea encountered a vengeful gypsy. She hated his father for seducing and then throwing aside her sister, who’d been Dracula’s local nobles captured, tortured and buried him alive, something that might have been a real downer if he hadn’t already been dead. Under the circumstances, it was more an inconvenience than anything else. I’d been too young when I met him to realize that the handsome young man who told me Romanian folk tales was actually older than Tony by about a century. He sent me an encouraging smile now out of a face that had looked thirty for five hundred years. I smiled back in spite of myself; I’d had my first crush on those brown velvet eyes, and I’d forgotten how attractive he was. Those same features had won his longer-lived brother Radu the title of “the Handsome” back in the sixteenth century. Mircea paused to brush a speck of lint off his snazzy black suit. Other than Rafe, who preferred more casual chic, Mircea was the only vamp I knew who cared much about modern fashion. Maybe that was why I’d never seen him wearing the court regalia of old Wallachia, or possibly the clothes then had just sucked. In any case, he looked completely up-to-date now, except for the long, black ponytail. I was glad to see him, but even assuming he remembered me fondly, I doubted one vote would do me much good. Speaking of a need to update a wardrobe, the vamp next to Mircea—the same one who had been loitering around the waiting room—looked like a GQ ad, if the magazine had been printed in the seventeenth century. Considering that I’d spent a lot of time in a Goth club, I didn’t object to the embroidered frock coat, frothy shirt and knee britches he was wearing. I’d seen weirder getups, and at least this one was flattering—silk hose shows off legs better than most modern styles, and his were worth playing up. The sticking point was that the whole deal was in buttercup yellow satin. I’m sorry, but a vamp in yellow is just wrong, especially when you throw in bright blue eyes and glossy auburn curls cascading halfway down his back. He was very handsome, with one of those open, honest faces you automatically trust. It really irritated me that it belonged to a vamp. I gave him a tentative smile anyway on the theory that it couldn’t hurt, and he’d already eaten. I needed to get this blood off me before I started looking to someone like a walking hors d’oeuvre. The remaining vamps, two on the far side of the Consul, were so alike that I assumed they had to be related. I found out later that it was a coincidence. The man was almost as old as the Consul, having started life as one of Nero’s bodyguards even though his mother had been a slave captured somewhere much farther north than Italy. He’d been one of the emperor’s favorites for having even more sadistic tastes than his master: want to guess who really burned Rome? The woman, who looked so much like Portia that I did a double take, had been born in the antebellum South. She was said to have killed more Union soldiers in the twenty miles or so around her family home than the Confederate military did, and to have mourned the end of the war and the easy hunting that had gone with it. So, different eras, countries and backgrounds, but they looked like twins with their milky complexions and wavy dark hair. They even had similar eye color, a light brownish gold, like the light through autumn leaves, and were dressed in complementary outfits of white and silver. Admittedly, his was a toga while she looked like she was on her way to a Savannah ball, but they looked good together. The Consul gave me time to size everyone up before she spoke, but when she did, I had no desire to look anywhere else. Wherever her kohl-rimmed gaze landed, it felt like tiny pinpricks along my skin. The sensation was not quite painful, but I had the impression that the pins could become swords very easily. “You see how many of our seats are empty, how many voices silenced.” I blinked in surprise. I’d assumed there was a problem, but not that—four ancient vampires aren’t exactly easy to kill. But she confirmed it. “We are greatly weakened. The loss of some of the greatest among us is felt keenly by all in this room, but if it continues, it will echo around the world.” She stopped, and at first I thought it was for a dramatic pause, but then she zoned out on me. Some of the really old ones do that sometimes, drawing into themselves for a minute or an hour or a rather crude one with no paint to cover its clay exterior and poorly defined features. Tomas and the new guy seemed to be arguing about something, but their voices were too low to hear. I had a brief moment of nostalgia for Tony’s audience hall, where most of those present were murderous scumbags, but at least I knew their names. I was jumpy enough standing in blood-soaked clothing in front of a group of vamps powerful enough to kill me with little more than a thought, without also having to work in the dark. Rafe was a comfort at my back, but I’d have preferred someone whose specialty was more in the guns-and-knives line. “We are missing six of our number,” the Consul abruptly continued. “Four are irrecoverable, and two others hover on the edge of the abyss. If any power known to us can restore them, it will be done. But it may well be that we strive in vain, for our enemy has lately obtained a new weapon, which can undo us at our very conception.”…“Tomas, attend us.” She had barely finished speaking before Tomas appeared beside me. “Can she be of use?” He was resolutely not looking at me. I wanted to yell at him, to ask what kind of coward couldn’t even hold my gaze while he betrayed me, but Rafe’s fingers tightened almost painfully and I regained control. “I believe so. She occasionally speaks when there seems to be no one there, and tonight … I cannot explain what happened to one of the assassins. There were five. I killed three, and her ward dealt with another; but as for the last …” “Tomas, don’t.” I definitely did not want him to finish that sentence. It would not be good if the Senate decided I was a threat, and if they found out about the exploding vamp, they might feel a tad on edge. How can even an ancient master fight against something she can’t see or feel? Of course, Portia’s intervention had been a fluke—I don’t go around with an army of ghosts and I sure as hell can’t command any that I meet up with that. I somehow doubted they’d take my word. Most ghosts are too weak to do what Portia’s friends had managed; she must have called every active spirit in the cemetery and, even working together, they had barely had enough power. It wasn’t something I could duplicate, but if the Senate didn’t believe that, it could get me killed. Tomas’ jaw tightened, but he didn’t look at me. Big surprise. “I am not sure how the last assassin died. Cassandra must have killed it, but I did not see how.” That was true, but he had definitely seen frozen vamp parts all over the aisle, and there weren’t a lot of ways they could have gotten there. I was surprised he’d hedged his reply for me, but it didn’t matter. One glance at the Consul was enough to show that she wasn’t fooled. Before she could call him on it, the short blond who’d been eavesdropping from the doorway suddenly darted around the guards and ran towards us. I wasn’t worried; it was easy to see by the way he moved and the suntan on his cheeks that this was no vampire. Two of the guards followed, so quickly that they were just smears of color against the red sandstone walls, then overtook him. They reached us first and put themselves between Rafe and me and the newcomer, although they didn’t try to restrain him. In fact, they seemed more interested in keeping an eye on me. “I will speak, Consul, and you had best instruct your servants not to lay hands on me unless you wish to escalate this to war!” The blond’s booming voice was well-educated British, but his outfit didn’t match it. His hair was the only normal thing about him—close cropped and without noticeable style. But his T-shirt was crossed with enough ammunition to take out a platoon, and he had a tool belt slung low on his hips that, along with a strap across his back, looked like it carried one of every type of handheld weapon on the market. I recognized a machete, two knives, a sawed-off shotgun, a crossbow, two handguns—one strapped to his thigh—and a couple of honest-to-God grenades. There were other things I couldn’t identify, including a row of cork-topped bottles along the front of the belt. The getup, sort of mad scientist meets Rambo, would have made me smile, except that I believe in showing respect for someone carrying that much hardware. not vampire—you have no right to speak for her!” “That can easily be remedied.” I jumped as a low, sibilant voice spoke in my ear. I twisted in Rafe’s grip to see a tall, cadaverous vamp with greasy black hair and glittering beetle eyes bending towards me. I’d met him only once before, and we hadn’t gotten along. I somehow didn’t think this time would be any different. Jack, still sometimes called by his famous nickname, had had an abrupt end to his early career in the streets of London when he met Senate member Augusta, one of those missing at the moment, while she was on a European vacation. She showed him what a truly ripping good time was before bringing him over. He had been promoted to the Senate only recently, but had served as their unofficial torturer almost since she made him. He’d come to Philly to do some freelance work once and hadn’t liked that Tony refused to throw me in as a bonus for a job well done. I’d been relieved not to see him in the Senate chamber when I arrived, and there was no entrance on that side of the room. But figuring out where he’d come from was not as big a priority as wondering why his lips were curled back and his long, dingy fangs fully extended. Rafe jerked me away and Tomas shifted to be able to watch both new arrivals. Before things got more interesting, the Consul intervened. “Sit down, Jack. She belongs to Lord Mircea, as you know.” Mircea smiled at me, apparently un-fazed. Either he trusted Jack a lot more than I did, or the fact that he was Tony’s master, and by vampire law mine as well, didn’t mean much to him. I was betting on the latter, knowing my luck. Jack backed away, but he didn’t like it. He gave a whine like a child deprived of a treat as he assumed his seat. “She looks like a slut.” “Better than like an undertaker.” It was true—his heavy Victorian clothes would have looked perfectly at home in a funeral parlor—but that wasn’t why I said it. I’d learned early that fear was power, and I was deathly afraid of Jack. Even in life he’d been pleasure. He bared his fangs at me again in response. It could have been a smile, but I doubted it. “The mages do not have a monopoly on honor, Pritkin,” the Consul continued, ignoring Jack and me like we were two naughty children acting up in front of a guest. “We will keep our agreement with them if they keep theirs with us.”…He gestured at me. “She is human and a magic user; that makes her fate ours to decide.” He flexed his hands as if he’d like to grab something, maybe a weapon, maybe me, maybe both. “Give her to me and I swear you will never have reason to regret it.” Mircea was regarding him the way a good housewife looks at a bug crawling across her newly cleaned kitchen floor. “But Cassie might, would she not?” he asked in his usual mild voice. I’d never heard him raise it, although he’d stayed with Tony for almost a year. The Consul looked as cool as a bronze statue, but a wave of power fluttered by me, like a warm summer breeze with tiny drops of acid in it. I flinched and resisted the urge to wipe at my skin. If the mage noticed it, he gave no sign. “We have yet to determine who has the better claim, Pritkin.” “There is nothing to discuss. The Pythia wants the rogue strange that he seemed so concerned with my future. I’d never met him before in my life and it didn’t help my confusion that none of the mages who came to Tony’s had ever given me a second glance. As merely the vampire’s pet clairvoyant, I’d been beneath contempt. It had annoyed me that outcasts with no more status in the magical community than I had treated me like a charlatan at a carnival. But at the moment I’d gladly take a little scornful indifference. The whole session was beginning to feel like a bunch of dogs fighting over a bone, with me as the bone. I didn’t like it, but there wasn’t a lot I could do about it. “She belongs with those who can best defend her and her gift.” The Consul did serene well. I wondered if it was natural talent or if her two-thousand-odd years of life had helped teach her composure. Maybe both. “I find it interesting, Pritkin, that your Circle now speaks of protecting her. Not so long ago you asked our help in finding her, dead or alive, with the implication being that the former was preferable.” The blond’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Do not presume to put words in the mouth of the Circle! You don’t understand the danger. Only the Circle can protect her, and protect others from her.” For the first time he looked directly at me, and the snarl on his face would have bared fangs if he’d been a vamp. As it was, it told me I had another enemy to worry about. His gaze flicked over me like a whip, and he didn’t seem to like what he saw. “She has been allowed to mature unschooled, cut off from everyone who could have taught her control. It is a recipe for disaster.” I met those narrowed green eyes and something that looked almost like fear crossed over them for a second. His hand moved to the knife in a sheath on his wrist, and for a moment, I actually thought he was going to throw it at me. Rafe must have thought so, too, for he tensed, but the Consul’s voice cut in before anyone could move. “The Silver Circle was once great, Pritkin. Do you tell us that you cannot protect one of your own merely because she roams beyond the fold? Have you become so weak?” His face darkened with anger and his hand continued to fondle the knife, although it stayed in its little leather holder. I looked into those crystalline green eyes and suddenly the picture came The mages at Tony’s had been scared to death of them because they were authorized to kill rogue magic users on sight. Mages who pissed off the Circle weren’t allowed ever to use magic again; if they did and were discovered, it was a death sentence. But why had the Silver Circle sent a freaking war mage after me? Most people even in the magical community treat clairvoyants like shysters with no more ability than a Halloween witch; we don’t even register on the radar for them. But the fact that there are a lot of con artists doesn’t mean that some of us aren’t real. I wondered if the Circle had finally come to that conclusion, too, and decided to start eliminating rivals to their power, beginning with me. It sounded like my kind of luck. If the mage attacked me while I was under the Senate’s protection, I was pretty sure they could kill him and get away with it. Even the Silver Circle couldn’t protest the death of one of their members if he’d brought it on himself. The odds were good, then, that he wouldn’t kill me, but I still sent Tomas a glare. He could have given back my gun once we’d arrived. It wasn’t like I could hurt any of the Senate with it, even if I was crazy enough to try, and it would have been a comfort. Especially if he’d planned on letting war mages come in armed to the teeth. “She already bears our greatest ward. She drew strength from all of us tonight; it was not only your vampire who saved her!” “No, it was a joint effort, as this entire enterprise must be,” GQ cut in smoothly. I was surprised that anyone dared to speak for the Consul, but no one challenged him or even seemed to find it odd. Maybe the Senate was a democratic bunch, but if so, they’d be the first vamps I knew who fit that category. The hierarchy at Tony’s was based on strength, with “might makes right” pretty much the only rule. The other families were the same, as far as I knew. The Senate ruled because they were strong enough to scare even vamps like Tony, which meant the redhead couldn’t be as harmless as he looked, or they’d have eaten him alive years ago. To my surprise, GQ acknowledged that I was in the room instead of simply talking about me like I was a stick of furniture. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Louis-César,” he said and executed a damn good bow. “ A votre service, mademoiselle .” His some. I no longer had the impression that I might be on the menu. Unlike most twenty-first-century females, I know the proper response to a formal bow. Both the governess and chief tutor Tony assigned me had been born in the Victorian era, so I can curtsy with the best of them. I thought I’d forgotten most of that early training, but something about Louis-César made it come flooding back. He missed the no doubt amusing sight of me trying to live up to nanny’s standards in blood-spattered four-inch go-go boots and a micro-mini because he was looking at the Consul again. I was so focused on the scene at the high table that I completely failed to notice the second attempt on my life that night. My first clue was when a wave of power hit me like a sandstorm had blown up out of nowhere. Hot, stinging flecks scoured my cheeks for a second, before Tomas shoved Rafe aside and tackled me, hard enough to knock the breath out of my lungs when we slammed into the floor. I was faceup, which allowed me to see two of the chamber guards standing immobile in the middle of the room, their flesh slowly evaporating from their bones like it was being eaten off by invisible insects. A second later, the bare skeletons crashed to the floor, hearts and brains having disappeared along with the rest of their soft tissue. I barely saw what happened next because none of it was at normal human speed, and Pritkin was in my way. He was beside me in a crouch with a wicked-looking knife in one hand and a gun in the other. Another knife and a couple of small vials hovered in the air beside his head, as if held by invisible strings. For a second, I thought he’d decided to take me out with the whole Senate watching, but he wasn’t looking at me. The statue I’d seen by the door earlier was suddenly beside us. Despite the fact that it had only vague indentations for eyes, it seemed to be looking at Pritkin as if awaiting orders. I recognized what it was now that I saw it move, although I’d never seen one before. Golems had been feared by the wizards Tony employed only slightly less than the war mages. They were clay figures brought to life by ancient Hebrew Kabbalah magic. Originally, they ran errands for rabbis strong enough to create them. Maybe some still did, but these days most served the knights, as the war mages were properly called. away from the creature, which was creeping me out more than the assassins, to see Jack rounding off against one of the remaining guards. The guard was growling, low in his throat like an animal, but Jack looked like a kid on Christmas morning, all flushed cheeks and bright eyes. He waved Pritkin off with an impatient gesture that clearly said, This one’s mine . The other guard was out of the picture, clawing at his chest where blood was welling up around the rapier that had been thrust completely through him, as if his heavy chain mail wasn’t even there. Its blade stuck almost a foot out of his back, glinting a dull red in the flickering light of the chandeliers. I’d always thought rapiers were dainty, almost effeminate things when I’d seen them in the movies, but apparently I’d been wrong. This one had a wicked blade, as if a double-edged dagger had been stretched out to an inch wide and three feet long. As I fought to get a breath, Louis-César pulled it out of the vamp’s chest and, in the same, flowing motion, decapitated him. It was done with a liquid speed that fooled my eyes for a moment into believing he’d missed. Then the head fell off the neck and bounced across the floor. The vamp’s eyelids were fluttering and his fangs were bared when his head rolled to a halt not a foot away from me, its helmet miraculously still on. I swear the mouth moved, snapping on empty air as if trying to reach my neck, even as his life’s blood spread around him in a widening stain. I must have been making some type of strangled noise, or else the golem perceived the head as a threat, because it quickly kicked it away. That would have been nice, except that it overestimated the weight and sent it sailing across the Senate table to thud wetly against the wall behind the belle’s careful coiffure. A trail of blood marred the shining tabletop in front of her and a spray of droplets descended on her hair, where they sparkled like tiny rubies. She fished the head out from under the table and politely offered it to her companion, who equally politely declined. He was busy cleaning up the table by holding his hand over the spilled blood. Droplets flew up to meet his palm like they were iron and he was a magnet. As with Tomas earlier, they ruined neck of her prize. I had to close my eyes for a moment and fight to keep my stomach in place, but at least I wasn’t screaming. First, it wouldn’t have looked strong in front of the Senate, and that would be bad. Second, my throat was still raw from almost getting strangled earlier. Third, I couldn’t get enough air, thanks to Tomas’ weight. I tried to shift him to one side, but it was like trying to move a marble statue. He only pressed down harder until I cried out in pain; then his body softened, melting against me like a warm satin comforter. It might have been soothing except that I couldn’t breathe deeply or move, and Jack and the other guard had danced dangerously close. I didn’t understand why no one had killed the guard, especially since he had drawn his huge battle-axe and was looking at me with the single-minded concentration most guys reserve for the Playboy channel. If the Senate wanted me dead, wouldn’t it have been easier to let Tony do it for them? And if they didn’t, why wasn’t Louis-César doing an encore of his previous performance instead of simply standing there? Maybe he figured the guard would never get past Pritkin, Rafe and Tomas, but I wasn’t so sure. The axe blade looked awfully sharp to me, and I knew how fast vamps could move. All the guard needed was a split second and I would be the main course for Miss Georgia 1860 whenever she finished her appetizer. But no one did anything except for Tomas, and he merely crawled higher up my body, to the point that he would have been able to give a detailed report on the lace pattern in my bra if he’d been asked. He looked calm, but I could feel his heart jumping against my skin. It wasn’t comforting to know that he was worried, too. I looked past his dark head to where flames from the candles were dancing along the axe’s huge blade, which was all of about four yards away. As I stared, the guard lunged towards me, gnashing his teeth like a cornered tiger, and it was all over as suddenly as it had started. Jack was a streak of ugly, dark green fabric and a flash of pale hands. I blinked, and the guard was on the ground, his limbs pinned down by four large knives buried through his flesh in the underlying stone. Two of them were a gesture once Jack was in control of the captive. They tore out of the vamp with an audible ripping sound and flew to him, one settling into the wrist sheath and the other disappearing down his boot. He hadn’t even bothered to use the ones at his waist. He and the golem moved off to allow Tomas to haul me to my feet. Although he’d just helped save my life, his eyes were cold when he looked at me, like chips of green ice. The Consul appeared unruffled by the disturbance, but a tiny frown marred her otherwise perfect face. “Be careful, Jack. I want answers, not a corpse.” Jack smiled beatifically up at her. “You’ll have both,” he promised and bent towards the body. I quickly looked away but heard the sounds of ripping flesh and popping bones. I guessed that he’d retrieved his knives, breaking the limbs of his victim in the process. I swallowed hard several times. I’d forgotten how interesting court life could be. “As I was saying, madame, la mademoiselle is obviously unwell. Perhaps we could explain things to her after she has had a chance to rest?” Louis-César spoke as casually as if the events of the last few minutes had never happened. Meanwhile Jack had taken a set of gleaming surgical tools from a case he’d pulled out of a pocket. He lined them up slowly by the side of his struggling victim, giving a soft, hissing laugh as he did so. Great; at least someone was having fun. “We do not have the time to waste, Louis-César, as you know.” “ Ma chère madame , we have all the time in the world … now.” They exchanged a look, but I couldn’t interpret it. “If I may suggest, I could explain to Mademoiselle Palmer our dilemma and report back before dawn. That would give you time to complete the … interrogation.” He gave me a glance, and my panic at the thought of being alone with a guy who’d just shish-kebabed a powerful vamp must have shown. He quickly added, “Raphael may accompany us, of course.” I didn’t like the fact that he could read me so easily, but knowing I’d have a friend along did make me feel better. At least until I saw Jack start to pull a long, gleaming cord of intestines out of the vamp’s now open gut, draping them like a string of between my shoulders crawled like it would like to creep off somewhere else. I decided I wasn’t going to enjoy this conversation no matter who was involved. 

So much happens here.  We get to meet the senates, the governing body for vampires.  We meet Pritkin, the odd war mage from the silver circle who will become one of the major characters.  We meet Mircea and

Louis-César

.  And we have missing senate members and some way that Cassie is going to help.  Cassie may have been raised in an out of the way vampire court but she knows enough to know that she’s in trouble.  The Senate is being too nice.  And this first section of the book shows us how it is going to be.  We are going to keep on seeing things from Cassie’s perspective and there is going to be a lot of action with little down time

[Top]